Have you ever tried to set boundaries for yourself?
Has anyone ever crossed your boundaries?
What are boundaries anyway?
When I was a teenager, I felt the need to have more personal space than in my younger days. I felt it was ok to keep my room door closed when I wanted. But my mother was a very attached person, for whom that came across as a violation of her freedom with me. Like I was trying to put a strain on our mother-daughter relationship.
She would walk through that door announced, and without knocking, and even insisted I not keep it locked. She would even scold me for keeping it locked, making me feel almost guilty for wanting to close it.
That door was a physical boundary my mind had wanted to have in place, to protect what I considered my personal space.
My need for that space represented an emotional boundary for me. If anyone crossed that boundary without my consent, it was detrimental to my emotional wellbeing. It was part of my identity as an individual establishing her roots in the world: no longer a child.
To not honor that boundary was almost akin to someone walking into the bathroom while you were using it, without your knowledge and consent. Just as an example. It left me feeling powerless and ashamed and feeling like my needs did not matter.
If you had asked what a boundary was a few years ago, I may have smirked at that term. Since I attributed that word to a sense of division. And I was all for oneness, how could I stand by division and separateness!
Just that in my healing I realized the real meaning of that word: the invisible space one needs physically and emotionally which is important for their well-being. After all, isn’t our aura or energy field said to extend from 1.5 feet to 1 m around each of us?
But how do boundaries come into play at work?
How about the time when a patient is transferred from my colleague’s schedule onto mine without checking with me first, especially when I am multitasking between three complex patients?
Or when your upcoming team meeting demands that you prepare that last minute presentation while you already have your hands full……how would you respond?
Would you say no?
What happens if you said no?
By saying no, you or I would be stating our boundaries: stating that they are crossing an invisible barrier beyond which it is not acceptable to you.
And did you know that no is a complete sentence?
If you need help exploring your relationship with boundaries further, feel free to book a discovery session with me.
What happens if we do not stand by those boundaries? Of course, we would end up seeing that patient, working extra hard to manage all four patients. One or the other patient may get upset with any wait involved, and may leave a negative review. Or the time strain on you may affect the way you handle an emergency one of them may have. In a way it is like giving up control on how our circumstances can work for us rather than against us.
And what would happen with the next patient added like that?…….And the next added patient……. And the next?………It may repeat till we can do it no more: complete exhaustion.
In a way, by not standing up to the boundaries we need, we are abandoning ourselves, and not being there for ourselves, aren’t we? We are not protecting ourselves to make sure our cup or energy tank is full, so that we can provide for others from an already full cup.
I am sure you may have had your share of something similar in your life, Lovely.
What is it that you just cannot get yourself to say no to? Even if inside, you really want to say no…
What are you risking if you say no?
What will you gain if you say no?
