Have you been through a rough childhood?
Was there any place in your childhood where you felt you were not seen or heard or comforted or protected?
I have had plenty of these circumstances in my childhood. It does not matter whether you are fortunately born into a nurturing family or not, there may be some circumstances in our childhood that leave us with a scar, way into adulthood. It may be from our friends or from teachers or any other individual. Sometimes, it may be from our own family of origin. And we may not be aware of this till our adulthood.
Here my sweet soul, we are talking about wounds to our inner child, the parts of our psyche from our childhood that got integrated into our adult psyche.
For example, my father was a busy physician. He made sure we were all well fed, well clothed, well schooled, had a great roof over our heads, but he was so busy doing that, he hardly had much time to spend with me. It did not help that I was the youngest and he was in the prime of his career, being the additional director for Kerala state health services, and the first state leprosy medical officer of Kerala implementing the National leprosy eradication program in the 1980’s. He was the program’s point of contact for our state. Yes it was a great venture, the disease was declared eradicated many years later.
However my father hardly had time for quiet time with me. And as with all men of that era, he was authoritarian. He was protective but you had to be careful to speak to him with respect. Sometimes it felt like he did not understand how I was feeling.
One example of how I felt not seen and heard and even abandoned by a significant male figure. There was more space in my love tank.
I had always looked up to my father, but somewhere this was inside me, without me realizing it. In my adulthood, I manifested a partner who was so busy with work and friends he hardly had time for intimate conversations. By intimate I mean the one where each partner could bare their souls and feel safe doing so. Like my father, he too seemed not to really get me and understand how I felt. I felt unseen and unheard and abandoned again.
And it’s funny I should be writing this post today, the anniversary of that wedding.
As within, so without. This was reflecting back to me something inside me that needed healing…I realized I would lavishly spend my time between work and friends, but had little time for my own self and nurturing activities for myself. I could forego sleep to catch up on patient notes, forego vacation time to work on my scholarly project in residency, make time to cook for that festival meal with family while tending to an infant, but found it hard have protected time to read a book or paint. In a nutshell, I was abandoning myself.
When I tended to my inner child, I realized how much she was longing for that stable connection and nurturing. And this time, I was in a position to offer that to her. No chance of her seeking out and getting attached to someone who may not be the permanent source for that connection. And it felt like such a release of pent-up limitations.
So precious, has your childhood left you any hints for places for healing? Please feel free to share in the comments below.
